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by Jeslyn, Annie, Kristin, Liz and Shira
by Liz, Kristin, Lisa, Mark and Tiff
Haven’t Turned Around“ by Gomez
“Things Always Don’t Turn Out That Way“ by The Calling
“Come Around“ by Rhett Miller
“Ski Ming” by Majandra Delfino
Diary Entry - Wednesday, January 8th, 2003
I always thought that was a good word. Taking in the world around you.
Keeping an eye on the ones you love. Being a spectator to people’s
lives. All of these things fall under the subject of observing and,
lately, all of these things have become my hobbies. However, when you
start really paying attention to the world around you, you start picking
up on things that maybe you should have seen… but didn’t.
observance of my home and the people, my family, living in it has led me
to believe that the world around me isn’t what I thought it was – In
fact, I’m not even what I seem to be.
I look in the mirror, a normal-looking nineteen year-old peers back, but
appearances can be deceiving. As it turns out...I’m not quite as normal
as I thought I was.
Max healed me, I was the quintessential teenage girl who would talk to my
friends on the phone and eat way too much junk food at sleepovers. It’s
been more than four years since that day, and up until a few months ago, I
still considered myself technically normal, even after I started to
‘crackle like a piece of tin foil in a microwave’ as Kyle tactfully
I’m not normal.
come to realize that I’m an alien too and it seems as if I’m not the
only one to join the club. Serena seems to be a full-fledged member,
Serena has been growing more comfortable around us, becoming one of our
group – literally. And even though the others have their doubts about
her, I can’t help but to trust her completely. It’s a trust based on a
bond that I can’t quite explain.
seems to understand that about Serena. She is the reason he has finally
started to feel like part of the group instead of an outside observer
caught up in the mess that is our day-to-day lives. After all, he never
asked to be a part of any of this. Serena understands that, I think. The
more I learn about her, the more she and Kyle seem to be alike. Both were
dragged kicking and screaming into this alien abyss, and now they figure
they might as well stick around for the ride. They bring out positive
changes in each other.
far as change, it’s the change in Maria that gets to me the most. She
goes through all the motions of living a normal day to day life but that
spark that always defined Maria and made her stand out in the crowd –
that spark that made her seem so bright...is just gone, and every time I
look at her, it hurts beyond words.
miss that part of her – that part that made her my best friend. The one
who would be on the other end of those normal phone conversations. The one
who would help pick out which chips and cookies we were going to eat. That
girl that I knew so well isn’t the same girl walking around Jesse’s
apartment. I know we all want the old Maria back desperately, but I’ve
noticed how we’ve all adjusted to the way she is now. We’re slowly
getting used to the new, lifeless Maria.
for Michael. He’s never accepted or adjusted to anything and it
doesn’t seem like he’s going to start now. However, lately, he’s
just been avoiding what is going on, when he used to spend day and night
trying to turn back the hands of time. Max tells me that he is just
working a lot, spending a lot of nights at the bar.
not so sure. There’s more to Michael than meets the eye. There always
thing that worries me the most is that I haven’t seen him talk to anyone
about what has been happening with Maria. Not even with Max or Isabel. I
know that he blames himself for what happened. However, there seems to be
more to it than that, almost as if he is hiding something from the rest of
us – something entirely different. It’s like this deep-ridden guilt
embedded in his every move.
I watch him come in the door from another late night at work, I see it,
that same look. Yet, it is more than just a look. I can sense it, pouring
off of him. This is beyond watching or observing – this time I can
actually feel it.
just hit me… and I should have known. After what I have seen this week,
it should have been obvious.
Michael… I should have known…
January 6th, 2003 - 2 Days Earlier
at the small desk in their room, while Maria lay asleep in the bed,
Michael sat reading through another passage on The Limbic System.
Limbic System is sometimes called the ‘Emotional Brain,’ blah…
blah… blah...” He read and then scanned down to, “Stimulation of
Limbic structures, such as the amygdala, in cats produces a behavioral
pattern called rage – the cat extends its claws – oh this is crap.”
Michael finished, adding his own ending, then threw the book at the trash
back in his chair, Michael watched Maria sleep.
getting nowhere,” he quietly said to himself.
that moment, Maria began to stir, mumbling softly in her sleep.
can’t do anything...”
eyebrow raised a quarter-inch.
was interesting enough. Standing up, he crept closer to the bed. Kneeling
down next to it, careful not to wake her, he listened.
isn’t about loyalty.”
that, she quieted, but with Michael’s interest piqued, he wanted to know
what was happening within the depths of her mind. He was almost positive
that it was something that she shouldn’t be seeing and perhaps it was
this, which was keeping her void. He clung to hope as he eased down onto
the bed next to her and gently took her hand in both of his.
he even knew what to expect, he was thrust into the dream. He was seeing
everything, played right before his eyes.
hands gripped into his hair, with his elbows on his knees; head down, Rath
tried to focus. It just wasn’t that easy.
followers were all out in front of him, claiming opinions and boasting
suggestions, all of which would be viable if it weren’t for one thing.
a deep breath, Rath looked to Calypso, who sat at his feet next to his
chair. Her eyes met his, and he knew what she was thinking. She wanted to
know if he would bring his people’s voices to the king.
A voice called from the back of the room and grew louder as two forms
fought their way through the crowd. “Sir! Sir Rath!”
sat up straighter, spying the pair, and then she turned to Rath. “It’s
Rian.” She answered his silent question.
nodded. “And the other?”
young girl, maybe sixteen, she looks to be a servant.”
one of Rath’s followers, stopped abruptly in front of Rath, the girl in
tow behind nearly colliding with him. “Sir, I bring this girl, she is a
servant at Khivar’s estate.”
within earshot gasped.
eyed Rian. “What do we care for a servant of Khivar’s?” she asked,
Rath raising a hand to silence her.
do you bring a servant here, amongst strangers?” Rath asked curiously.
“There had better be a good reason.”
features turned more serious. “There is sir...” He trailed, looking
from Rath, to the people, and then back to Rath. “She’s heard of
Khivar’s plans,” he explained. “They may not be as honorable as he
would have us believe.”
leaned forward in his chair, beckoning with his hand for the young girl to
come forward. And as she meekly came, Rath could tell she was not of
Antarian race, for they had light-colored eyes and hers were almost as
violet as Calypso’s.
eyed the girl who stood before Rath and quirked, “Do you not kneel
before your commandants?”
smirked and stifled a laugh. “She will not kneel before me any more than
you would kneel before Khivar,” he stated pompously, hearing a few
snickers from the crowd. “She knows what it means to be loyal.”
He placed heavy emphasis on that last word, directing it towards the crowd
with a tilt of his head, the snickers ceasing with shuffling feet. “Now
why do you come here?” Rath asked, turning his attention back to the
girl swallowed. “I care for someone, an Antarian, and I’m afraid that
she will not survive Khivar’s intentions.”
survive his intentions!?” Someone called from the crowd, “Khivar wants
peace! Which is more than Zan’s willing to bargain!”
Rath said in a silencing command, and as the room quieted, he spoke again
to the girl. “What intentions can he bring that would cause harm if he
girl contemplated his question and looked from Rath to Calypso, then
suddenly came forward to kneel by Rath’s feet, opposite Calypso. “I
kneel only because I don’t believe you want your entire congregation to
hear of their fate,” the girl whispered harshly, her features suddenly
turning deathly serious.
towards Calypso, Rath nodded, “Go on, child.”
girl swallowed and took a breath. “Khivar does not seek peace, he seeks
the complete control of Antar and Zan’s reign, but he will not use it as
Zan does. He will run the fear of tyranny and oppression through the
hearts of all your people. He will make them suffer,” she said, looking
at Calypso, her eyes dropping slightly. “And then she will suffer,
because she does not know what Khivar is really capable of, or even what
he is truly like.” She raised her eyes back to Rath. “Do you have any
idea what it’s like knowing that evil exists and it can do anything and
everything it wants?” she asked, tears welling in her eyes. “Because
if you don’t - you soon shall.”
swallowed. “Who is this person you care for?” he asked, a sinking
feeling growing in the deepest part of his gut. The girl’s eyes bore
Calypso exclaimed, and then remembering that they were in a room full of
over-reactive people, she lowered her voice. “Rath, this is madness.
Vilandra would never –”
would never what?” the girl interrupted Calypso. “Five minutes ago
everyone thought that Khivar would never bring harm, only peace,”
she spat. “It seems to me that maybe you should re-evaluate what you think
could feel the odium welling up inside her, but as she looked up at Rath,
she knew that now was not the time to speak. She kept her defiant look,
and the girl turned back to Rath. “Vilandra comes to the estate by an
underground route, the same route that Khivar will use to bring his
mercenaries upon the palace. When she comes, I am her ladies maid and also
her friend. While around their quarters I have learned this information
and more,” she trailed, a guilty look appearing on her face.
her eyes and taking a pained breath, she continued. “It will be on a
holiday on new moon’s crest, a day when people are away from their
homes. If Khivar succeeds, they will not return to their homes by their
own will,” she said, standing abruptly. Having said what she came to
say, she pleaded one last time, “I beg you to stop this!” And with
that, the girl ran off, disappearing into the crowd.
watched as the girl went, then looked to Rath, who himself was watching
the girl, a far away look in his eyes.
Rath just looked ahead. Standing abruptly, he boomed out an order. “This
meeting is over!” he called, then turned and stalked down the hall as an
uproar came from the crowd.
quickly followed after him, down the hall, calling to him. “Rath!”
stopped and turned. “I knew of Khivar’s real intentions, that much was
obvious in my vision, but Vilandra... how can she do this to me, to Zan?!”
Rath yelled. “She’s the reason why I had vision to begin with! She’s
the reason why all of this is happening!” he ranted as he stalked back
and forth - a force of volatile anger.
Calypso yelled over him, coming right up to him now when most others would
cringe in fear. Placing her hands to either sides of his face, she settled
his anger. “Khivar is the one responsible,” she said softly.
“Vilandra is only a pawn in his game and you heard the girl, she said
that Vilandra did not know anything about Khivar’s plans–”
must be lying to her then,” Rath growled, grasping her hands in his.
“I must stop it,” he stated, “even if only for the good of Antar.”
Calypso urged. “You can’t stop any of what you saw in the vision. It
has to happen or else who knows what will become of us? We must die and
then live again, we know this is the only way we can save our home, our
people,” she said, eyeing Rath intently.
swallowed, hiding his guilt well. “Yes, yes we will.”
suddenly came out of the dream and stumbled back and off the bed with a
thump. As Maria stirred he quickly left the room before she awoke.
Stalking into the kitchen, sweat dripping down his forehead, he poured
himself the biggest glass of ice-cold water he could find. Taking a sip,
he mumbled almost incoherently, “He lied to her...I lied to her...”
could feel every emotion that coursed through Rath’s veins, and at the
moment Rath had confirmed to Calypso that they would both live again,
there was major guilt. The strongest guilt he’d ever felt, and he knew
it was because he had lied to her. Which brought a realization upon
Michael from somewhere in the dormant recesses of his mind, and he knew it
to be true–
Michael said the words, he stared straight forward, unknowingly, directly
Liz questioned, a chill going straight down her spine at the way Michael
stared completely through her. “Who – who’s alive exactly?”
out of it, Michael lifted his glass of water, “Nothing - no one,” and
gulped down the rest, slamming the glass down on the table like it were a
shot of hard liquor, a little of the color returning to his face.
came forward until she was standing across the counter from him. “Did
you mean Maria? Cause, if you did, you know just as well as I do, that’s
she’s still with us. She’s just...” Liz trailed. “I don’t
know...lost. Maybe even somewhere else entirely.”
nodded. “Yeah, maybe,” he said slowly, then turned without another
word and headed back to his room, leaving a very worried and wary Liz.
lay in bed, in the darkness, unable to truly fall asleep. Finally it was
the growling of his stomach that gave him full merit to get out of bed.
all truth he had been thinking about Isabel again. He really wanted to
talk to her about how he was feeling, to really just reconnect, but the
middle of the night was obviously not the best time.
sliding his feet out of the bed, Jesse gingerly crept towards the kitchen
in the dark. This new arrangement of people and things in his house was
still something he wasn’t fully adjusted to.
was accustomed to making any noise that he pleased at most any hour, to
not worry about waking others. But given the two options, he much
preferred the house full, especially if that meant that Isabel was going
to be in it.
slowly crept into the kitchen, trying not to walk into anything in the
pitch-blackness of the night. The only light was coming from the moon,
through the blinds, onto the kitchen floor.
his hand along the wall, fumbling for the light switch, he suddenly found
his hand touching something unfamiliar - another person’s hand.
woman’s voice let out a small shriek as Jesse’s hand found the switch
and the light flipped on.
Jesse said, looking at the shocked Isabel before him, a sense of relief
coming over him.
are you doing up?” he asked, looking her over in her sleek nightgown.
snack,” Isabel confessed with a smile, happy to see that it was Jesse
who had joined her in her late night adventure. “And you?” she asked,
returning the question.
thing,” he smiled, patting his stomach.
I was thinking about a turkey sandwich. What about you?” Isabel said,
opening up the fridge and pulling out the turkey and bread.
great, make it two,” Jesse smiled, taking a seat at the kitchen counter.
quickly made the sandwiches and poured two glasses of milk before joining
Jesse at the counter.
midnight feast is served, dear husband,” she said, setting the food down
missed that,” Jesse said.
looked at him with questioning eyes.
know,” Jesse continued. “I miss you making me sandwiches, you being
here in the middle of the night, you saying the words ‘my husband’ to
me…” He trailed, picking at his bread.
smiled upon hearing his words.
missed it too Jesse,” Isabel said, trying hard to keep her emotions
ate their sandwiches, talking and laughing quietly as to not to disturb
the others. After they had finished their sandwiches, they talked longer,
not wanting to let go of this special moment.
Isabel picked up their dishes when they were finally done, rinsing them
off in the small kitchen sink, making more noise than she intended to.
took Isabel’s hand, leading her back upstairs to bed with him. Once at
the bed, Jesse watched her slip into the covers in her satin gown,
covering her up carefully with the blankets before climbing in next to
lay there in the dark for a few moments before either one spoke.
love you Isabel, you know that.”
love you too,” Isabel whispered, the words sounding unreal to her
because she was so accustomed to not having Jesse there in person. Usually
she spoke those words to him from miles and miles away.
took a moment to reflect. “So where do we go from here?” she asked,
holding his hand in hers.
don’t know, but I can tell you one thing. I am not letting you get away
again. We are sticking together this time. No matter what Isabel, you are
my wife, and you are the most important thing in the world to me. Not my
job, not this apartment, nothing is more important than you.”
nodded. She wanted to fight with him, to tell him that she couldn’t put
him in danger again, but truth be told she didn’t know if she had the
strength to leave him again after finding her way back. She had been
incomplete without him, a shell of her former self – Jesse completed
was it like?” Jesse finally asked.
was what like?” Isabel responded.
out there on the run - hiding.”
took a deep breath before answering.
we are still out there, still on the run, and we are still hiding. But the
worst part of my life was being without you.”
will protect you, Isabel.”
are some things that you can’t protect me from.” She turned on her
side to face him. “Jesse, there are some things that I can’t even
protect myself from. But I don’t want to be alone anymore, and I don’t
want to be miserable anymore. Things happened while I was gone, things
that made me question who I really was, things that I am sure made the
others question who I really was. I don’t ever want to go through that
pain again. Not
said nothing, he just took Isabel in his arms and held her tightly, he
could feel her pain; he had felt the same pain and loneliness everyday
that he had spent without her.
couldn’t talk to anyone else about my pain, my loneliness, my emptiness;
I just completely shut myself out Jesse, even from Max. I finally feel
like myself again when I am with you.”
know Isabel, I do. I was a robot, going to work early, staying late, no
purpose to my life. Lately I had just been sleeping at the office because
I was there so much. It was like I was in a coma and I didn’t wake up
until I saw you on my doorstep.”
make a pact,” Isabel said, sitting up in bed out of excitement. “No
matter what, we stick together, no matter what. It’s me and you Jesse,
we are a team.”
and you, Isabel, together forever,” Jesse said, kissing her deeply. He
pulled back and looked at her closely. “I made that pact when I married
you,” he continued. “We made that pact to each other. ‘For better or
worse, in sickness and heath.’”
you didn’t know the truth about me,” Isabel protested.
knew all that I needed to know, and that is that I love you. I want you in
my life, no matter what the circumstances may be.”
smiled, nothing made her feel better then to know that Jesse felt the same
way that she did about the situation.
am never letting go,” Jesse said pulling her into his strong arms.
let go,” Isabel repeated, holding him as tight as she could.
January 7th, 2003
was in Boston, Massachusetts with the mid-day sun shining brightly, but he
refused to enjoy any of it. Instead, he sat hunched over a large oak desk
at the huge Boston Library, focusing all his attention on the cryptic
books he had found about the limbic system. The latest book rested in his
hands and the more he read the less sense the book made. He uttered the
words softly to himself simply because the theory he was reading could not
possibly be true after everything else he read.
mouth formed the words, but he had been studying books about the limbic
system for so long that his brain was fried. At that point, he might as
well have been reading Greek for all the good the information from the
latest chapter was giving him. Amount of blood flow to the head and the
speed of the neuron synapses simply made no sense to him. Feeling
frustrated, he slammed the book shut and ignored the annoyed stares while
he opened the next one.
this reading was not helping him at all. He wondered if Max had been right
about the books all along. Nothing he found told him anything about what
was plaguing Maria, the one person who meant the most to him. He closed
the book he had just opened, ran his fingers angrily through his hair and
leaned back in his chair to close his eyes for a moment.
thoughts were running rampant in his mind as a plethora of emotions
swirled around in his head. Emotions Maria could not feel - and he wished
she would. He wished a lot of things and he recalled many of them. An
alien space ship that would take him away from his abusive foster father,
answers about his shadowy alien past life, to really belong somewhere, to
be loved, to be able to keep all those he cared about safe from harm …
but, at the same time he felt that none of those wishes did him any good.
The space ship never came, the answers to his past life led to more
confusion and dangers he wished he’d never known, he still didn’t feel
like he belonged all the time, and love… well that was a whole other
that point, he could not say with complete certainty that he had ever been
loved. Of course, the others cared about him, but he would not call that
love. Maria tried to love him and he could admit that she did - yet he
could not protect her - not from himself. Now she was completely void of
emotions and it was entirely all his fault.
pursed his lips in frustration at that thought. No, her condition wasn’t
truly his fault. He did not bring her into this mess, he decided. After
all, it was Max that healed Liz, and Liz who told her the secret and which
led to the secret emerging. Max broke the secret pact that he, Isabel and
Max vowed to keep forever. Max put him and the others in danger … Max
led him to be with Maria. It was all Max’s fault.
thoughts quickly became senseless, but he no longer cared. He had grown up
with a lousy foster father who liked to hit him. On countless occasions he
could have left town and never looked back. He wondered why he stayed, why
the others really needed him. Everything he could have done, and maybe
should have done … the what-ifs haunted him relentlessly. Each second in
passing felt like hours of remembrance.
clenched his fists and forced himself to take a deep breath. A great deal
of rotten luck had befallen him and he was unable to control nearly all of
it. That thought above all else frustrated him the most. Everything seemed
out of his control … he could not even heal Maria who was only void
because he could not control himself
he decided demandingly. He emancipated himself … but even then, he had
someone to nudge him into action. In that moment, he refused to believe he
had no control over his life. Although he did not have the ultimate say in
where they went, he admitted, he could influence the final vote either
way. “I’m in control,” he thought to himself, “I -”
thoughts starting running rampant through his mind, the culmination of his
life events had all been wearing heavily on his already-bruised ego. He
grimaced unhappily, tears threatening to drip from the corners of his
past haunted him in visions.
scared and alone once Max and Isabel were taken away that night in the
desert after they hatched.
pain from the bruises and black eyes compared little to the searing
emotional pain from Hank’s brutal beatings, but having Hank seemed
better than having nothing at all.
for his life after Max jeopardized their lives and safety by healing Liz
same fear of being alone surging through him when he killed Agent Pierce.
feeling of finally belonging to something, while his arms were wrapped
washing over him in waves when Maria dumped him.
and relief when she said she was leaving Roswell with him and the others.
visions came, just as they had that night outside the strip club. He lost
himself within the remnants of his past. A solitary tear dripped from his
eye before a hand gently shook him by the shoulder.
body shook with it and his eyes flew open, barely glancing at the owner of
the hand before gathering his things. He lost track of time - again. The
librarian sighed softly and spoke as if she had said the words a hundred
are closing in five minutes.”
bit back the usual sarcastic reply and merely nodded his head. He knew the
library was closing the second she touched his shoulder, and even if his
feeling had been wrong, he was more than ready to leave the musty old
book-filled building. The sun was no longer shining through the windows,
he noticed while he headed toward the checkout desk.
nearly rammed into the old oak booth, but managed to keep a firm hold on
most of his books except the last one, which toppled over and nearly
landed on the keyboard. Luckily, the librarian caught the book just in
time. Barely glancing at the young man sorting returned books; Michael
slapped his card against the cold polished wood, and noted that the name
on the guy’s employee tag read ‘Jeremy.’
Jeremy told him, scanning the bar codes. “Not many people check out
these kinds of books, well, since I’ve started working here.”
for the information,” Michael replied smartly, then headed out the doors
and headed back home, home to Maria - home to… something.
was sitting on the plush couch watching football as usual when he saw
Serena come walking into the room out of the corner of his eye. He tried
to act like he didn’t see her, but it was obvious to both of them that
are you watching?” she asked sitting next to him on the sofa.
game,” he answered, trying not to look at her.
smirked. “Why is it that guys always say ‘the game’ as if there is
only one universal game that is watched?”
let out a laugh at Serena’s comment and Serena used the opportunity to
grab the remote from his normally tight grasp.
woman!” Kyle laughed as Serena began flipping the channels with an
innocent expression on her face. “You know, if Buddha was here, he would
disapprove of your actions!”
me?” she whispered teasingly, twirling her hair around her fingers.
eyes were fixated on her seeing the playful look in her eyes. He could
deny her nothing.
Kyle began clearing his throat. “What are we watching? Better be at
least as good as the Buckeyes game last week.”
Judy,” Serena laughed, stopping on the correct channel just in time to
see the Judge go off on another rant to yet another guilty defendant, this
one accused of stealing the neighbor’s dog.
have got to be kidding!” Kyle laughed. “You actually watch this
opposed to what?” Serena fired back. “A bunch of grown men patting
each other on the butts?”
since you put it that way… but come on, Judge Judy, doesn’t she seem a
little, well harsh to you? I swear I have had nightmares about that
has a way of getting people to tell the truth. I like that she can trick
them, fool them, and scare them, whatever.” She shrugged. “Somehow she
just manages to get the truth out of them. And I don’t like secrets.
I think that maybe I could learn from her,” Serena said with a chuckle.
know, you don’t always have to trick or scare people into getting the
truth,” Kyle said, turning to look at her.
yeah? And how about you? Do I have to trick or scare you into telling the
truth mister Valenti?” Serena quipped.
Kyle answered sincerely.
in that case how about a game of good old truth-or-dare?”
that a girl’s game?”
raised her eyebrows and gave him a wicked smile. “What’s wrong? You
scared, of little girls?”
okay. I’m game…you can even go first.” Kyle said, flipping off the
TV and rubbing his hands together eagerly.
Kyle. Truth or dare?”
Kyle answered without hesitation. He wanted to show Serena that she could
Kyle what is your favorite color?”
Kyle answered “Blue.”
that wasn’t so bad - your turn now,” Serena said.
Serena, truth or dare?”
please,” Serena smiled.
Serena, Who do you trust most in the world?”
easy Kyle. You.”
looked at her deeply, wanting to show her that she really could trust him,
that he would never do anything to hurt her, ever.
Kyle truth or dare?” Serena said after a long pause, seemingly a little
uneasy and trying to change the topic.
are you a virgin?”
face turned bright red as he thought about the question. Did he want to
tell Serena the truth? He was embarrassed to say the least.
umm, changed my mind. Dare please,” Kyle stuttered.
laughed. “Well normally that isn’t allowed but being that you are a
new player I think that we can make a one-time exception.”
what’s my dare then?” Kyle asked, willing to do anything in lieu of
talking to Serena about his sexual experience, or lack thereof.
Kyle, for your dare, I use the good old handy loophole and dare you
to answer the previous question.”
you are tricky.” Kyle laughed. “So you like to cheat, huh?” Kyle
laughed, tickling Serena’s stomach as she fell back further onto the
Serena gulped between fits of laughter.
either of them knew it, Kyle was on top of Serena and the tickling had
stopped. “I would never cheat you,” Serena said seriously.
know,” Kyle said, before the magnetism took over, both leaning in slowly
and kissing softly.
the kitchen Isabel watched Kyle and Serena and smiled with a slight shake
of her head. “Would you look at that,” She said, elbowing Liz who sat
at the bar next to her.
maneuvered so she could see past Maria and then smiled as well. “Yeah,
I’ve noticed it too,” she replied, then sighed as she continued.
“But I’ve been a little too preoccupied to really give it any thought.
You know, I think my brain is fried.”
rolled her eyes. “Your brain isn’t fried and you really don’t need
to give it any more thought. Kyle deserves a little fun and affection I
think, considering that the rest of us already have our own little
significant others,” she said with a secret smile. She still loved the
fact that she was able to be with Jesse again, problems would come, she
was sure of that, but they were still together and stronger than ever.
nodded. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”
course I’m right.”
looked confused as she looked from Isabel to Liz. “Significant others?
Like...mates or something? The other person you’re with, right?”
laughed under her breath. “Yeah, you know what; you could most certainly
call them that. They are our mates...our...” She thought for a moment,
looking for the perfect word to describe the males in their group.
Isabel suggested. “No, wait, our lapdogs.”
and Liz both doubled over with laughter.
nodded, giving them both an odd look. “Then Michael’s mine right?”
she asked. “My... lapdog?”
laughed again and then let out a long sigh. “Well, yeah, as much as
Michael could be anyone’s–”
go there,” Liz interrupted.
idea.” Isabel nodded. “But, yes, he’s always been yours,” she said
with a shrug and added, “In fact, you’re the only one I’ve known
that could put up with him for any length of time.”
nodded in agreement. “Yeah, the rest of us really don’t get him the
way that you do - or did, or...” she trailed off instead of trying to
finish, sipping her drink. She still didn’t exactly know how to deal
with Maria’s condition. For now, she thought it best to simply tiptoe
around certain subjects. It was still Maria; she was just… different.
Maria started. “What does that mean exactly? If I’m the one that gets
him, what does that entail?”
and Liz looked to each other at the same time for help in answering the
question and realized that they both hadn’t the slightest clue. So they
interrupted. “I already know that we’re together... I don’t really
know what that includes, like I said, but I know that he pays more
attention to me than anyone else here and that must mean something,
right?” she asked, curiously, looking for some sort of meaning or
they stalled again.
he kisses me; every now and again. He doesn’t kiss either of you or Max,
or Kyle, or Serena.”
laughed briefly, and quieted. “Yeah, he most certainly does not kiss Max
or Kyle. That would...well, let’s just say that would really be
something, very - ” she caught sight of Kyle across the room talking to
Serena, “Very wrong.”
nodded. “So, why does he kiss me? You guys should know. I see Max kiss
you, Liz and Jesse kiss you, Isabel. Why?” She asked, and looked over
both of their blank expressions. “There must be a reason.”
suddenly got the feeling like she should be explaining this to a 12
year-old who had just heard the word ‘sex.’
it...well, I guess -”
feels good.” Isabel helped.
Liz affirmed. “And it’s how you show affection.”
Isabel nodded. “I kiss Jesse, because I love him and instead of telling
him, I show him.” She explained in a round about sort of way.
“Kissing... sex ...it all kind of falls into the same category.”
gave Isabel an incredulous look and looked to Maria. “Well, maybe not
the exact same category.”
serves the same purpose as kissing?” Maria inquired and both Liz and
Isabel fidgeted nervously.
Liz started, “not exactly,” giving Isabel a helpless look.
took things into her own hands. Gulping down her glass of water, she
folded her hands together briskly and looked Maria directly in the eyes.
“Okay, Maria, I want you to listen to me carefully and I’m going to
explain it to you in these very blunt terms, because you yourself used to
be something of an authority on the ways of the bedroom.” She took a
deep breath and ignored Liz’s wary glance. “Sex is an act of love
between two people, only two though; don’t let anyone tell you
grimaced, and started to interrupt when Kyle spoke up from the living
room. “Hey, did I just hear something about sex?”
rolled her eyes. “When don’t you, Kyle?” She replied and ignored
Kyle’s reply of “Good point,” and continued. “Anyway, it’s also
like kissing - a way of showing affection and it feels good and all of
that, but let’s get down to what I really want to know here...” She
trailed, glancing towards Liz then back towards Maria, tapping her fingers
on the counter. “Michael...he...he hasn’t been like, been pressuring
you for sex or something, has he? Because if he has, Liz and I will most
certainly kick his ass to a new zip code.”
blinked and shook her head quickly. “No, he hasn’t done anything like
that... no,” she said, shaking her head again. “He hasn’t, I was
just curious,” she replied.
nodded and eased back onto her chair. “Good.”
just been wondering... we get close, but it always seems like there’s
something missing, something that I can’t quite grasp. Like we sleep
together, in the same bed, at night and he holds me, but it’s like...
there’s supposed to be something else...” Maria trailed, looking for
an answer. “It’s empty,” she concluded, not sure what she was
you talked to Michael about this?” Liz asked.
shook her head. “Not yet,” she replied. “I try not to talk about
things I’m not certain of, because when I don’t understand something
it seems to upset him. More lately, since he’s been reading those
and Liz nodded and Liz replied. “He just doesn’t like seeing you this
I know and that’s why I’m asking all these questions,” Maria
replied. “I want to do something that I would have normally done - to
maybe help him. Then maybe I can say I remembered it, so he’ll be
more...” She searched for the word.
Isabel tried. “We could tell you some things, but making Michael
agreeable is quite a task.”
nodded, but then shrugged. “Yeah, it is, but if anyone could ever do it,
it would be you, so...” Liz straightened. “Let’s see. You could call
him ‘spaceboy.’ You used to say that all the time. It was a playful
thing between you two I think,” she suggested. “Or if you really
wanted to -” Liz stopped, glancing up towards Isabel, then back to
Maria. “Maybe I should whisper this one. I kind of pried this detail out
of you awhile back and
me Isabel, you don’t want to hear it, Michael being your brother,
came around the bar and whispered a something into Maria’s ear and then
moved back to her seat, while Maria squinted her eyes with uncertainty.
he’ll like that?”
nodded. “Any guy would.”
that, Isabel turned an incredulous look at Liz and turned away in disgust,
making a face that Liz and even Maria laughed at. “Oh – gross!” she
squeaked, and Maria and Liz both laughed as Kyle and Serena came up to
what’s all the hubbub?” Serena asked, giving a particularly interested
look at Isabel’s contorted features.
don’t want to know,” Liz managed to say.
we talking about Michael and sex, as in, both in the same sentence?”
Kyle offered, looking a little uneasy. “Now there’s a thought.”
Kyle and Serena joined in on the laughter, Michael let himself into the
apartment. Exhausted from a nine-hour shift, he stopped just short of
letting the door slam when he heard all the laughing. He turned and saw
all of them laughing – he saw Maria laughing.
shuddered again with disgust, motioning like she were going to be sick.
“Michael… oh, eww! Gross!”
graphic gestures with his hands Kyle added, “That’s definitely not
whole scene put a weight on Michael’s heart the likes of which he could
never imagine. His pointless pursuits were starting to portray a bitter
conclusion - a conclusion that meant that Maria would never be herself
again. That he would fail in his attempts to save her - fail at the first
thing he’d ever really wanted to figure out and fix. It was a bitter,
square pill to swallow, especially when looking at her now; she almost
seemed her normal, vibrant self. Except that she wasn’t.
felt the welling begin just as Isabel spotted him. “Michael, um hey, we
were just talking about you,” she choked out between small fits of
hard, Michael didn’t even hear her words. All he could hear was his
heart beating in his throat. Turning, he swiftly moved through the living
room and into his room, slamming the door behind him while the others
looked on in silence. Everyone knew he must be going through his own
private hell, well, everyone except one person.
that upset? Perfect, now I can go cheer him up with the advice,”
Maria said, jumping down from her stool and before anyone could stop her,
entering her room.
and Liz exchanged worried glances, both hoping that whatever happened in
that room...happened for the best. Perhaps to even snap Michael out of
whatever spell he’d slipped under.
eased into the room, closing the door behind her softly; eyeing
Michael’s collapsed form on the bed. His hand was absently rubbing at
his temple as he stared up towards the ceiling. He seemed not to have
noticed she had entered the room.
closed his eyes. “What?”
the few short steps towards the bed, she kneeled down on it, next to him.
“How...” She swallowed. “Was work?”
over at her, he sat back up at the end of the bed and shrugged. “It was
work,” he replied, swallowing. “Listen, I’m going out for–”
was talking to Isabel and Liz about a few things that I didn’t
understand and I think that I understand them better now,” she said,
standing up and coming around to the front of the bed to position herself
directly in front of him.
glanced up at her body, just an inch away, her silky skin right in front
of his face. Taking a deep breath, he continued in a defeated tone.
“What kind of things?” Leaning his head forward so that his forehead
rested against her abdomen, his elbows rested on his knees.
her fingers into his newly cut and styled hair, and absently massaging his
scalp, she replied, “Sex things.”
caught his breath and brought his head up. “Oh, God, what did they tell
you? What did you ask?” he said, feeling himself slip into a familiar,
paranoid state of mind. A state he realized he hadn’t been in since
he’d first seen or heard of Calypso. In fact, he hadn’t been worried
about much of anything until then.
a few things...” Maria trailed, as she put a knee in between his on the
bed, pushing him back onto the bed under her. Once she was settled there,
she whispered, “Spaceboy.”
word sounded so rehearsed that Michael nearly closed his eyes in pain.
“I can’t believe this,” he said, gently setting her from directly
over him to his side. “Maria, whatever they told you - just forget about
she interrupted. “They said that it feels good,” she added as
she leaned in and kissed him in such a way that Michael nearly responded.
Could it be? Was that the old Maria resurfacing?
He leaned back from the kiss. “And... it does, but we can’t,” he
stated with a firm nod. “Not - not while you’re like this.”
sighed and moved away a little bit. “Have you found anything in any of
those books?” she asked expectantly.
looked down slightly, and shook his head. “No.”
then how do you know when I’ll ever not be like this?” she asked, and
Michael snapped his eyes back up to hers, seeing how open and accepting
they were, as they had once been, only just a little brighter. Maybe she
don’t know,” he replied. “I don’t know if you’ll ever–” He
swallowed. “I don’t know,” he said simply, the pain in his eyes
making Maria falter slightly and became frustrated.
because she could almost pinpoint the feeling - the feeling that was
reflected in his eyes, but it was just out of reach, just out of her
understanding. She was so fixated on trying to find this emotion that she
didn’t even notice that she was feeling frustrated. It was something new
and consuming, and without thinking about meaning or feeling or anything
else she leaned in again and started kissing him.
this kiss was different from the others, where she’d been so
inexperienced and unrehearsed. This kiss felt real to Michael. All too
real, that he didn’t stop her. It was too much for him to stop it - too
much feeling that he’d been denied for so long. It almost felt like he
was the one who wasn’t feeling anything.
without much thought he decided that he wouldn’t stop whatever was about
to happen, and he knew that he would call himself a bastard later for it.
just as he’d thought, he did. Later that night, when he crept out of the
room and into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of juice, the night’s
events weighed on him.
he stood there he could almost feel that part of him that was human was
leaving - becoming corrupted by the insidious alien side. The same side
that made him so reckless with emotion that he’d just slept with Maria
in the condition that she was in. He wouldn’t have done that if he’d
really been himself, but he wasn’t himself. He felt like someone else
did Maria call you ‘spaceboy’?” Isabel asked from behind with a
small smirk, leaning against the wall. “Did she talk to you about a few
things? Liz and I really didn’t know what to say to her –”
maybe you shouldn’t have said anything, did you ever think about
that?” Michael barked, his voice so deeply seated with frustration and
hurt that Isabel barely recognized it.
take it that she did talk to you about it then,” Isabel stated.
turned and smirked slightly. “Talk. I don’t believe that there
was a whole lot of talking - Vilandra,” he said.
eyes narrowed. “What did you–”
heard me,” he growled, pushing by her, but not quickly enough for Isabel
to miss his eyes flash an almost amber color.
she could only watch as he stalked back to his room, the door slamming
stood there, thinking, before she breathed out a single word. “Rath.”
her head from the ridiculous thought, she went back to her room, but
couldn’t remove the thought of Rath from her chilly spine. It couldn’t
sat silently at her desk, her lips pursed pensively while she concentrated
on the slide under her microscope lens. Ever since the first test, Liz
continued to take new samples of her skin cells and of the others to make
note of any changes. So far, there was no major change since the first
test and she kept reminding herself that much time passed for her cells to
change to what they looked like now.
decided that her change must have begun ever since Max healed her that
fateful day in the Crashdown Café. She rationalized that her cells would
eventually be just like Max’s, Michael’s, and Isabel’s in terms of
biological make-up. A possibility existed that she could be the fourth -
or at least a decent replacement for the fourth alien. She wanted to talk
to Max about such a possibility and she wondered what his reaction would
tiredly, Liz leaned away from her microscope and glanced around the
bedroom before leaning back in the cushioned office chair. She closed her
eyes for a moment, glad for the relief after the strain of staring at the
samples for so long. Slowly, her breathing relaxed and she was nearly
asleep when Max entered the room.
sensed him nearing, but remained relaxed in her chair nonetheless. Moments
later she felt Max’s firm hands on her shoulders, rubbing away the
tension that still remained deep inside her muscles. She moaned softly,
happy to have his attention, her ears perking up when he suddenly started
opened her eyes and decided that she had better tell him about the
thoughts that plagued her mind lately. He deserved to know. They did not
need any more secrets between them anyway.
was looking at my skin sample. Max, it’s not human - I’m not fully
been changing since before graduation,” he told her, “and that must be
scary. Does that bother you?”
she admitted softly, “but maybe I - I could be a formidable fourth.
Don’t you think?”
pulled his hands away from her, backing away and sitting on the bed. Liz
turned to face him. She waited to see his reaction, only now she wasn’t
certain what he would say next. Judging from the pensive look on his face,
his mind was racing with thoughts on more than what she just told him. He
looked at her as she waited anxiously for his response.
we talk about this some other time?”
mouth fell open from the surprise. Max was always interested in whatever
she had to say, except at this moment. She did not understand why he
wanted to avoid the subject, especially since she was involved in the
topic of conversation.
important,” she reminded him softly, “we have to be prepared -”
just don’t want to talk about it right now,” he interrupted her.
“Can’t we just have a little time to ourselves, without bringing up
the whole alien thing?”
gave in because she knew that worried look on Max’s face. She saw the
same look that night Max visited her when he was worried about Michael,
and she understood completely. She already confronted Michael about his
more distant behavior - not that it helped anything. Michael seemed to
live in his own world these days.
Max spoke again, “I’d like to think that the whole idea of needing a
fourth and destiny died with Tess. Besides, in our group nothing is as it
seems. You know?”
might remember that next time you see Serena,” Liz pointed out with as
little bitterness as she could manage. “She’s one of you, Max. Her mom
came to earth to find the pods and protect them from harm. Serena’s dad
is human so that makes her just like you biologically and she is on our
side. Oh, and while you’re at it you might notice how distant Michael is
lately. He’s spending less and less time here and not just with us -
with Maria too.”
he has a job and spends a lot of time in the library reading books that he
think will help Maria,” Max pointed out.
you really think he spends that much time in a library?” Liz challenged
him, “He came home really late the other night and there was guilty look
on his face, Max. I confronted him about it and he completely avoided me,
he doesn’t even seem like Michael anymore. Nothing is as it seems in our
group, like you said, and I agree with you it’s just…” she trailed
off, unsure how to finish what she was saying. Instead, she sat next to
Max and leaned gently against him while she rubbed his back with the hand
closest to his body in soothing circles. He pulled away slightly so he
could look into her doe-brown eyes with that reassuring nod as if to say
that everything would be okay.
sorry, I’d love nothing more than to just spend the rest of my life with
you here in this cozy apartment, Max, but…” Liz pointed up to the sky,
talk to Michael.”
January 8th, 2003
had been a quiet night at the library and slowly, each of the overhead
lights began to switch off, signaling that it was really time to leave.
Funny that the librarian didn't even come to tap on his shoulder tonight;
she’d probably given up. Michael scoffed to himself. “I would have
given up on me by now.”
sighed and rubbed his eyes, closing the books that lay sprawled out in
front of him. He had spent the last three days in the library, looking up
the limbic system in books, online, in magazines and in that silly
microfiche machine that he only just today had gotten the hang of.
got up and stretched, gathering the new books he needed and put the
encyclopedias on the re-shelve cart. He waited in line behind a few bums
who had spent the day with him in the library at various tables.
Apparently even bums could get library cards. He couldn't imagine that it
was a widely known fact.
handed the books to the checkout guy - Jeremy, was it? Yeah, it was
Jeremy. Michael’s eyes drifted over the nametag that was displayed on
his shirt as he had done a day or so ago, who really knew how long it had
been? Something that Michael had realized over the last couple of days was
that the library was like a dead zone; time slipped by without any warning
or indication. The analogy reminded Michael of his life as Jeremy quickly
scanned his books and ran them through the deactivator before tearing off
a due date slip.
ya go, man, good luck,” Jeremy said, sliding the books towards him.
Michael grabbed the books into his arms and awkwardly replied, “Yeah,
began heading out the door when Jeremy called out, “You know, there’s
been a girl here a few times.” Michael stopped, only mildly annoyed, but
didn’t turn. Jeremy kept talking. “She’s been in here when you
haven’t, which as you know, wouldn't be often, but you’re researching
the same exact thing. She’s even checked out some books after you’ve
returned them. Hmm, come to think of it, she’s checked out all
the books that you’ve returned.”
finally turned. “What does she look like?” His voice was strained.
hair, it’s really long. And she has these really gorgeous eyes.
-” Jeremy gave an incredulous laugh. “Purple, if you can believe it.
What some people will do with contacts.”
blinked. He knew that. How did he know that?
been singing at this club on Comm Avenue the past few Wednesdays,”
Jeremy continued. “It’s called Paradise. She's really–”
is Comm Avenue?”
began shutting down the rest of the lights and tugged a coat from
underneath the counter. “I’ve got some time, suppose the x-box can
wait for awhile, I’ll take you.”
just up here,” Jeremy said, his pace getting faster. He looked behind
his shoulder at the guy who was with him. He hadn’t said much on the
subway ride to the club and he didn’t want to push the guy. He looked
almost - lethal. You know the type.
meets Vin Diesel.
came up on the club. Soft, wailing music was spilling out into the street
as crowds of people came and went, but mostly came. Michael stopped by the
door, watching the crowds of horny teenagers and perverted forty-year-olds
jostle and sway together in the smoky, murky atmosphere of cigarettes.
'Welcome to the depths of humanity.' Michael thought with a grimace.
sign caught his eye away from the degrading scene. It was white with black
and red lettering. Calypso Morgania. So that was her name. God, it sounded
so familiar. Too familiar… almost - intimately familiar.
entered the club with Jeremy not far in front of him. A strange sense of
foreboding was making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. The
back of the club was dark with black lighting igniting the bar where
bartenders in white shirts moved quickly, serving the thirsty patrons
their devilish drinks. Suddenly a movement in the corner of his eye caught
his attention and as he turned to pinpoint it, Michael felt his entire
body contract with recognition.
was on stage, talking with her band members, drinking from a water bottle.
Michael let his eyes drift down. She was wearing all leather, shiny and
tight, accentuating a body that looked all too much like Maria’s.
fact, she looked exactly like Maria and at the same time, completely
different. She was the woman from Maria's dreams - the one and the same.
eyes were the same, and even from the back of the club, Michael could tell
that they were violet, just like they had been in Maria’s dreams. She
had the same pouty lips as Maria. Her hair was long and dark; parts were
pulled back in braids, giving center stage to her face.
finished speaking to her band and then stepped forward into the light. The
crowd began cheering. Jeremy even let out a yell next to him.
really good,” he yelled over the roar of the crowd, clapping and
whistling. He saw the look on Michael’s face and took it for hesitation.
“Just stay and see a few numbers. It’ll be worth it, man.”
couldn’t find his voice. He just nodded, and began pushing his way
forward through the crowd.
began her song, lowering her eyes and Michael was mesmerized. The very
core of his being could feel every word she sang as if she were singing to
his soul. He stopped pushing his way forward and just watched as she sang.
When the song hit the chorus, she began swaying and took the microphone
off the stand, moving back slightly. Then, with her violet eyes under
thick black eye lashes, she looked up.
right at him.
sang the rest of her song that way, swaying and staring at him and all
Michael could do was stare back. It was all that he could even conceive of
doing. And then he saw them.
dying.” Rath choked, gazing up at Calypso.
pressed her hand to the bleeding wound that would eventually drain her
beloved to his death as she leaned down closer to him, trying to ignore
the doomed war that raged around them. She whispered softly against his
lips, words of hope. “We will live again–”
your vision I shall come back too, right? I come back too.” She said
those last words as a statement, but there was question in her eyes.
he let her go, so quickly that she nearly toppled backward. Rath turned
and stalked heavily to the window. Staring out at the light purple sky of
near dusk, he closed his eyes and said quietly, “Yes, you'll come
back.” He opened them again and turned back to her. “I'll make certain
blinked as the song wound down. Calypso put the mike back on its stand,
all the while looking at him, her gaze burning through him. A small smile
of satisfaction wound its way through her lips and Michael opened his
mouth, as if to say something. Suddenly she turned and moved towards the
back of the stage, apparently talking to her band again. Michael began to
make his way up to the front. He had to talk to her. He had to know.
watch it,” someone yelled as he shoved his way forward. He barely heard
them. He had to get to her before she disappeared.
man appeared on stage and tapped the mike.
Calypso is not feeling very well and has bowed out early. Please stick
around for Vamypres.”
strained his neck, trying to see Calypso but the stage was empty.
job, Callie,” Joseph slapped her shoulder as he walked past her to the
band dressing room.
she beamed, taking her hair down. As soon as he disappeared into the
dressing room, she immediately took a u-turn back to the stage. Peering
through the side of the curtain, she spotted Rath still looking for her.
She had tried to swallow the disappointment that he didn’t look the same
as he had on Antar. His hair was shaggier and longer, and his eyes were a
very dull brown. Nothing of the amber passionate eyes he once had. Not to
mention the physique. The guy was, to say the least, out of shape, but
then again Rath had been war hardened. Calypso smirked as she imagined the
type of wars Mr. Teenage Heart Throb out there probably had to endure.
deep dish, or extra crispy thin crust?
really wasn’t the same. At heart maybe, but definitely not in looks. She
would fix that, though. Luckily for her, she had a human that looked
exactly like her, so, no work there.
along the same evolutionary chain as Earthlings was very convenient
L’eilté sumáre àr mais’re,” Calypso whispered as Michael turned
away from the stage, walking towards the entrance. She closed the curtain,
and leaned against the concrete wall.
love. I told you we would live again.
January 8th, 2003 - Liz Diary Entry Continued
Michael... I should have known.
I have? Perhaps not, anyone else would have guessed, but I can feel it as
I felt the shift in the air around the apartment when Michael came home
tonight. The routine was the same. He noticed I was writing in my journal,
so he simply avoided me and headed off to bed. Even if I hadn’t been
writing, he would have done the same. Still, tonight was different.
can feel it. Not see it or witness it because even with my wide eyes open,
I couldn’t have seen anything of this magnitude coming. After all, you
can’t see the air, but you feel it whirling around your body. Just like
emotion can hum in the back of your mind as you come to the realization of
what causes it, I've come to a realization. A realization that pointed
right at why Michael's been acting the way he has and why he's always
gone. I know the truth.
that means something to him. Someone besides Maria.
should have known. All the clues were right there in front of me, and I
didn’t see one of them. Maybe I didn't want to see them. The worst part
is that I have no idea what this means for him or Maria or anyone else.
only thing I seem to know for certain is that nothing is certain.
is what it seems.
© 2002-2003 Roswell: The Final Chapter. Unauthorized reproduction
prohibited. Any similarities to events, real or imaginary, are strictly
coincidental. Roswell: The Final Chapter is in no way affiliated with UPN,
the WB, Regency Television, 20th Century Fox, or Jason Katims Productions.
© 2004-2005 Roswell: The Final
Chapter. Unauthorized reproduction
prohibited. Any similarities to events, real or imaginary, are
strictly coincidental. Roswell: The Final
Chapter is in no way affiliated with UPN, the WB, Regency Television, 20th
Century Fox, or Jason Katims Productions.
© 2006-2007 Roswell: The Final
Unauthorized reproduction prohibited. Any similarities to events,
real or imaginary, are strictly coincidental. Roswell:
Final Chapter is in no way affiliated with UPN, the WB, Regency
Television, 20th Century Fox, or Jason Katims Productions.